Grieving

When your affective life is reduced to two other people and a lovely young dog, it's really hard to cope when one is gone.
We're all crying at different times of the day, when its absence catch us unaware and we notice that the flat is terribly empty and silent.
Patxi said that is unbearable to arrive home at midday and find the flat so empty as he was used to a very warm, tail-shaking welcome and to eat his lunch watching tv in the sofa bundled together with Darwin.
My heart is aching all the time and I find it very hard to teach this days. Even waking up is painful because he used to wake me every morning and now all there is is silence.

I started taking anti depressant because I was already low when this happened and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to cope with normal life otherwise. I don't feel like working and even getting out of bed is a major deal.

Patxi was crying yesterday and we had a talk about dead and losing someone you love. I said that times heals everything and in a few weeks we'd be able to stop feeling this sad and able to remember the good times and remember Darwin with fondness. He then said "but... I don't want to stop crying because it's like start forgetting".
This is the first time that he had to actually deal with dead as when his grandma and granddad died they were too far away for him to really grasp the meaning of it all. I took him to the vet to say goodbye to Darwin as he was lying there. That was a shock to him, as to us all, and maybe wasn't the best thing to do. But I think that children should participate in the family grief and that was the only chance to say bye to Darwin as we don't have a garden in which to bury him and do a sort of funeral for him.

This is going to be a very sad and lonely Christmas.